LoveHate
by Sketch0117
Summary: Emily reminisces on one of the last nights she spent with Alison before her disappearance. Emison fluff one-shot. Set by the ending of season 3 and the beginning of season 4


**Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty Little Liars or its characters. Just the plot to this one-shot.**

Emily didn't know what it was about her and Alison. In fact, the biggest mystery to her, which was beyond the nature of her relationship with Alison DiLaurentis, was actually _Alison DiLaurentis. _It was flabbergasting how the blonde could be merciless in manipulating people using their secrets, but so caring and attentive in listening and consoling them. It almost made you believe that those horrible things she did, she did them out of love; for the good of people. There is an old adagio that grandpa Fields used to say all the time; _love and hate are not so different from each other, they just happen to be opposites. _With Alison DiLaurentis, those words that so often confused Emily's naïve mind back then, made perfect sense.

If Emily could recount all the moments she spent with Alison before the fateful night in which she disappeared, it would be accurate to say there had been many of them, and the majority of them left butterflies dancing around in her stomach, but a somewhat bitter taste in her throat. Even after Alison ruthlessly rejected her that day in the locker rooms, their alone moments were plenty, and _many _of them wouldn't be considered platonically friendly. Especially not if there were kisses involved.

Alison always told her she was her favorite. She kissed her more often than one would think for someone who was just "practicing for the real thing". They didn't go to bed before exchanging more than one _I love you_'s, whether it was through text or actual conversations. Alison complimented her and called her _beautiful _and _sexy _at least once in their long conversations. Alison smiled more with her than she did with Spencer, Aria or Hanna; even if Emily didn't want to admit it, she got jealous whenever Alison paid more attention to any of their other friends, even if she knew very good and well that she had no right to feel selfish over Alison´s love or attention. And then, when Emily finally lets herself enjoy the blonde´s _special_ attention with her and forget about her own prejudice about her sexual orientation, Alison just coldly pushes her away and makes her feel _used. _Emily swore she hated her. She even wrote it in that loathsome letter that Alison never got to read. If Emily hated Alison so much, then how come she still _loved_ her with every fiber of her being?

One of the moments Emily cherished the most happened exactly two weeks before Alison disappeared. At night, the two girls were lying side by side on Emily's ample bed, their heads forming a small angle with the horizontal axis of the mattress, using the headboard as a support, and their heads slightly rested against each other's. The strange quietness that reigned in the room (because no place could ever be quiet with Alison DiLaurentis in it) was due to the reading material that she and Emily were sharing; Lolita, by Vladimir Nabokov. Alison was the one who had suggested it in the first place for some reason, but Emily was hooked onto it by now too. And there, with her head rested against Alison's and the two of them reading from the same book, Emily could not have felt any more content.

"You do realize we have been lying here, reading, for the past half an hour?" Emily asked through a small giggle when she saw Alison´s hand moving towards the edge of the book, attempting to turn the page. The blonde dropped her hand, which conveniently fell on Emily's thigh, making the brunette skip a beat. Alison turned her head towards Emily and the two made eye contact.

"I think I could keep going for hours…" She trailed off huskily, her breath tickling the swimmer's cheek. "I like this." She finished simply.

"You mean the book?" Emily asked, almost obviously wanting Alison to tell her she was wrong.

"I don´t know which is better; the book or the company." Alison winks, giving Emily a flirty smile.

"Well, I definitely hope I´m better than some book about a 30-some year old teacher who is obsessed with teenage girls." Emily said after a few seconds. By now, Alison has closed the book and it seems that their reading session is over for real, though Emily doesn't really notice because of the hand on her thigh that has now begun to move up and down her outer thigh.

"Being completely honest, I don't care much for Lolita or Humbert." Alison said with a slight shrug of her shoulders. Emily furrowed her brows.

"Then why are you reading the book if you don't care for the two mains?" Emily asked, genuinely confused.

"You know who I really like though? Vivian Darkbloom." Alison answered, her eyes brimming with enthusiasm. This made Emily further confused.

"Why do you? She barely appears in the book." The swimmer pointed out, getting lost in Alison's blue eyes.

"True, but she writes along. 'Vivian Darkbloom' is the author's characterization into the book. She knows everything, even if she's not involved in all the madness…" Alison averted her eyes, her expression turning somber. There was no more enthusiasm in her eyes. "… like she can't be hurt by all that's going on. She can just disappear and no harm would be done." Alison stared off into space for a few more seconds, before swallowing dryly and looking back at Emily, who felt even further confused about the blonde's explanation.

"So you like her because she's unimportant?" Emily asked through a chuckle. Alison shrugged her shoulders and winked at her, effectively making Emily's heart skip a few beats.

"You'll figure it out, darling." The breathy, teasing way in which Alison's voice came out suddenly made Emily realize just how close their lips were from one another. For some reason, the book and Alison's strange fascination over this almost nonexistent character were pushed to the back of the swimmer's mind. "I know you wanna kiss me."

"I do." Emily answered without hesitation, still staring at Alison's lips. Before the blonde could say anything else, Emily cupped her cheek and pulled her into a short, yet passionate kiss. Remembering Alison's words of rejection from that day in the locker rooms, Emily forced herself to pull away. Much to her surprise, Alison placed her free hand on her lower back and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. Emily couldn't help but let out a gasp when Alison bit down on her bottom lip, soothing it with her tongue afterwards before breaking the lip lock.

"You don't have to pull away so soon, Emily…" Alison whispered, her lips still touching the other girl's.

"What is this, Alison?" The brunette asked breathlessly, her eyes still closed. Her hand moved down to Alison's upper chest, slightly exposed by her white t-shirt. Emily loved the warmth of her skin; so in contrast with the coldness of her actions.

"What's what?" Alison asked, pressing her lips softly to the corner of Emily's mouth.

"What we are. Whatever we're calling this." Emily finally found the inner strength to pull away, weakly gesturing between her and the other girl. Alison sighed and rested her head back on the bed's headboard.

"Why should we put a name to it?" The blonde asked, as if it could be as uncomplicated as that.

"I don't want to be your practice subject, Alison." Emily's voice came out firm, unwavering. But then, Alison turned to her and their eyes met. Blue met brown. All the strength Emily had gathered vanished in that very moment.

"Are you sure about that?" Alison asked, leaning towards Emily again. It was more than obvious that latter wasn't going to keep up the fight. "You know you're my favorite, right? You're the only one who understands me. You're the only one I feel truly comfortable with." The velvety sound of her voice plus the _meaningful_ words coming out of Alison's mouth melted Emily. Her insides felt like butter under the sun. How could Alison make her feel so powerless, used, yet on top of the world with such simple sentences?

"This isn't fair to me, and you know it." The way her words sounded almost like a moan betrayed the claim she was making. Alison chuckled arrogantly—_sexily_?

"_This?_ This doesn't have to have a name, or even exist, Em. You know that once the sun comes up I'll be gone…" Before Emily could protest, Alison crashed their lips together, instantly slipping her tongue into Emily's hot, awaiting mouth. Emily didn't—_couldn't _pull away. "This isn't the first or last time… so just let me." Alison whispered as she pulled away slightly, cupping Emily's jaw, her touch gentle yet seething.

And Emily lets her. She let Alison kiss her senselessly that night. And she corresponded, trying to stay desensitized. But Emily Fields can never be desensitized from the love she feels for Alison, and she hates it.

…

Propped on one of her elbows as she lied in bed, Emily stared at Alison's bare back with the help of the early morning sunlight that seeped through her bedroom window.

"I wish you could stay…" Emily whispered, one of her hands traces the side in which Alison had slept that night; it was still warmth with her scent. Alison ignored her as she continued changing from the sleepwear Emily had let her borrow to the clothes she had been wearing the day before. As soon as the quiet wish left her lips, she hated herself, wanting to take it all back. Especially when she saw the haughty smile playing on the corners of Alison's lips.

"You know I want to, but my parents are probably already mad that I didn't come home last night." Alison answered after a few seconds. By now she only had her bra on, and Emily noticed it was the same bra she had hooked for her that day in the locker rooms. A very cruel irony indeed.

"Why didn't you call them?" Alison sighed loudly. Emily immediately knew that the question had affected her.

"You know we're not getting along so well these days." Alison turned to look at Emily. The usually unwavering blonde looked quite trouble. "Jason, my dad, my mom… It's like they wanna get rid of me." Alison gave Emily a sad half smile. The latter sat up on her bed and crawled towards the edge of it, where Alison sat, still clad in her shorts and a bra.

"No one would want to get rid of you, Ali…" Emily whispered caringly, reaching for the other girl's cheek. "Your family loves you. The three of them just have it rough on their own and take it out on you." Alison quickly leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Emily's lips.

"It's like you always know what to say to make me feel better. Like a happy ending is possible. Another reason to love you." Alison whispered, running her hand through Emily's hair and leaning down slightly to kiss Emily's neck softly.

"A-Ali…" Emily groaned out, placing one of her hands on the warm skin of Alison's back.

"What is it?" Alison whispered, kissing the spot beneath Emily's ear. This time, Emily couldn't help but let out a moan. She hated that Alison could have such a weakening effect on her. But she sure loved the wonders that the blonde's lips and tongue were doing to the sensitive skin of her neck.

"I don't want to get rid of you." Emily cupped Alison's face and brought it away from her neck so they were eye-to-eye. "So please… would you stay?"

"I thought you wouldn't ask again." Alison said with a seductive smile before pushing Emily back against the mattress and climbing on top of her.

…

Emily's breath was slow, steady. Alison's arm was draped across her chest, with her forehead rested against Emily's shoulder. The blonde's breath caressed her arm softly; a nice reminder that Alison hadn't left after all. She'd dedicated all her morning to Emily and the kisses they shared. Emily couldn't help but feel special.

"You smell good…" Alison commented, kissing Emily's shoulder softly. The brunette's heart fluttered. "Like jasmine."

"Jasmine?" Emily asked with a chuckle. Alison giggled as well as her hand reached for the other girl's own.

"Yes… it's so _you_." Alison whispered, nuzzling into Emily's neck. The latter felt like her heart was going to burst in contentment.

"I don't know where you'd get that from." Emily said, closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip softly.

"That's just your scent." Alison spoke a bit louder before she used her legs, which were tangled with Emily's, to easily climb on top of her. Even if she was biting her lips, Emily couldn't help but let out a gasp. "You're so beautiful…"

"I love you, Alison." Emily said, conveying all she felt for the other girl. Again, the smile of superiority took over Alison's beautiful features.

"I know. I love you too." The brunette wasn't surprised that Alison had said it back; she always did, even if she meant it in a different way. She loved Emily as a friend, just as much as she loved the control she had on her and the devotion Emily had for her. Still, Emily couldn't help but lean her neck upwards and capture Alison's bottom lip in-between hers, desperately wanting their contact.

Emily Fields was in love with Alison DiLaurentis. She hates it, but love always defeats the hatred.

**A/N: Hello! This is my first intent of the Emison pairing and I certainly hope it was decent. Please review and let me know how it was! Oh, and a special shoutout to the person who requested this fic, I hope you liked it ^^**


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